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December 3, 2012 / captainshowboat

Clan analysis, ALL THE CLANS! (Note: may not include all the clans)

Hello and welcome to one hell of a slow news week. This is Captain Showboat back from a hiatus of not giving a fuck. Seeing as how there’s nothing really new and exciting to write about this week, I decided to avoid doing actual work by providing a very late, very poor, and very pointless list…because everyone loves reading about lists, right? The theme for this list will be my completely objective opinions on every clan for beginners to reference. For those of you that detected a contradiction in the previous statement, I salute your literary prowess.

Angel Feather:Do you like healing? Do you like side decks? Angel Feather does both! They are one of the few clans that can heal more than 4 times per match and the only one that can ignore the healing rule restriction of having equal or more damage. Furthermore, their damage zone acts as a secondary hand, letting them swap cards in and out from there. Their whole theme is manipulating the damage zone  to the point of making damage a blessing.

Gold Paladins: The field swarming deck. No other deck can perform so many free summons. The primary goal of this deck is to keep all 6 slots filled with units at all times. From there, it can sub in draw power or damage. They’re quite capable of maintaining a large hand. Similar to Royal Paladins, the goal of this deck is to require at least 3 10k shields from your opponent per turn. Also,  you have no friends.

Oracle Think Tank: This is as much a deck as it is a memory exercise. This deck focuses on draw power and deck stacking. Tsukiyomi is the most fun to use out of all the OTT strategies. Although, Soulless Gingers is also very fun. This deck has a third mind game, as you slowly realize just how much you spent to build it.

Royal Paladins: The Mario of the group, they have a little of everything. They have some unit destruction, field swarming, ride chains, and even deck stacking. They are the jack of all trades, they can do everything, just not as well as some specialized clans. Also, just like Mario, they have been nerfed in Smash Bros Brawl. Butr seriously, barcgal as starting vanguard is clearly the most broken card in all of vanguard. I mean No other card or strategy can compare to them!

Shadow Paladins: Do you like crits? Do you hate all your rear guards? Is black slimming on you? Then this clan is perfect for you.

Kagero: Do you hate pension plans? So does Kagero. None of your opponent’s rear guards are safe from being forced into an early retirement. Those poor grade 1 boosters will be collecting unemployment soon. This deck has dragons, but sadly no werewolves.

Murakumo: Have you ever wondered what Nova Grapplers would be like if they were terrible? Do you like insignificant damage boosts by having two different monsters with a specific name on the field. Do you want all your best laid plans to go to waste? These are your guys.

Narukami: Do you hate rear guards? Do you like Kagero? Do you like crossbows riding children while wielding a dragon? This clan is about crippling your opponent’s offensive abilities smashing the front row and retiring your enemies.  This deck also has no werewolves in it.

Nubatama: Not even Bushiroad cares about these guys.

Tachikaze:

Dark Irregulars: Have you ever wondered why the Soulless Gingers have no soul? These guys ate them all. Do you enjoy putting triggers in the soul? I know I do! In a deck filled with succubi, are you seduced by amon’s gaping hole? Well, that just makes you a weird pervert. Is your favorite Dota Hero Shadow Fiend? Not unless you play Centaur. This deck is designed to make your vanguard tower above your opponent’s…literally, the soul’s about an inch high.

Pale Moon: This deck is all about fun. You like having a big soul. You like using that soul for practical attack uses. You like flying through the air with the greatest of ease. You’ll like Pale Moon. That is, if pale moon was actually fun. I’d say its pseudo-fun, phun.

Spike Brothers: You can’t play this deck. This deck is reserved for Glorious Golden Gods. All the Spike Brothers are mine, you hear? MINE!

Bermuda Triangle: This deck is about little girls letting you draw 6 cards in a turn. The Bermuda Triangle holds many deep mysteries, like how many of those cards have their hands sticking foreward and how does one cook pancakes under water? It boggles the mind!

Granblue: I think this quote explains everything.

“Samurai Spirit!? But, you’re supposed to be Dead!”

“I was.”  -Total Recall

Great Nature: Poor Canvas Koala is dancing his way through college. All he ever wanted to do was paint, but life isn’t so kind. He constantly keeps getting assaulted and regurgitated by marmosets, tigers, and leo-palds. He envies the Spike Brothers, who got through college on a sport’s scholarship. How he hates them so.

Megacolony: Nova Grappler.  ;_;

Nova Grappler: Megacolony :D

There you have it. A completely researched and unbiased review of every clan in all of Vanguard. Yep…all of them. I sure didn’t miss one. An article so well researched I’d dare call it perfect. Anyways, in the spirit of filling the word quota, I looked through the weekly search terms. You guys did not disappoint, but you did disturb. Seriously, what the heck. Back, because nobody demanded it, The Weekly Search Term Mailbag!!1!

Mail Bag:

“how to. stack. oracle think tank cards”- A genuine good question! Thank you for giving me something to consider next week eventually.

“dudley douglas vs brakki end of turn” -  Brakki, always Brakki. Douglas’s counterblast costs is better spent on other things and in a game that practically requires a Dudley monster to summon him out, the ideal use of your counterblasts would be used 1- mecha trainer, 4- dudley emperor.

“building a tank on a budget” – Well, I suppose the mass produced M4 Sherman would be pretty easy to fetch in today’s market.

“cardfight vanguard most difficult clan to use” – tsukiyomi oracle think tank. It requires a lot of temporary memorization as well as keeping tabs on remaining cards. All of this in conjunction of remembering what your opponent triggered makes this a very good brain exercise.

“hypnosis japanese girls orgasms from dailymotion” – …How in the hell did that tag lead to our blog? What the hell have you been putting in your articles, Brony?

“i hope you’re beary prebeared for this unbearable bear of a battle” – I don’t know who you are, but you are now my favorite reader. Not only did I have a heartly laugh, but the other writers wouldn’t stop giving me weird looks all week.

“the most strongest spike brothers”- Yes, they ARE the most strongest….They are.

“+where can i buy doodley in canada”- Why, at your local Rosenqueen’s. Act now and get a free prinny with an order of twelve.

“baggening” – Legends are told of this night, When the moon is gone, and the nights are long. *He* lurks though trees and creeps through cracks. Searching for children to sneak a snack. With his sack strapped over his back, he slithers and slides and wriggles and  glides, stuffing his pack with children’s hides. So this winter you’d best beware, for the baggening can be anywhere. This would have been more relevant if I had actually released this on Halloween as intended.

Finally, what would an article be without youtube links. Which is probably the only reason anyone even clicks my articles in the first place.

Finally, since Santotaku hates hashtags being used without justification:

If This Is Justice, Then I’m A Banana!!!

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4 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Gear / Aug 3 2013 3:11 pm

    Fairly accurate stuff, but a beginner wouldn’t understand jack.

    • captainshowboat / Aug 5 2013 11:21 am

      You’re right, I probably should have mentioned that Dark Irregulars do feature werewolves.

      • Anonymous / Oct 7 2013 12:55 am

        Hi, I just wanted to say I found this hilarious. I died on tachikaze. Thank you, sir.

        • captainshowboat / Oct 9 2013 9:39 pm

          Hi, I just wanted to say, “Thanks for commenting on a dead/outdated blog” I’ve mostly moved on to netrunner. Also, expect a great nature grade 4 ride review “soon”.

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